Love addiction and online dating
To be clear, this tendency can be defined in a general way as a compulsive (repeated action without choice) and chronic (ongoing over time) pattern of using a substance or behavior for soothing, comforting and/or arousal as a means of medicating uncomfortable feelings.People typically continue to use their "drug of choice" despite negative consequences.
Gail Your reply to the above, and your article describe my life. I live far from your center, and therapy is out of the question, financially, but I'm very aware of my patterns and until I found your article, I didn't know why I am the way I am in relationships. I'm giving myself the next 4 months to actively follow the recovery steps then in Dec 2014 I will evaluate and see if I still want to be in the relationship I'm in.
I'm not crazy, but this area of my life makes me seem that way to the men I date, and to me. But all I know is I need to relate better, and once I relate better I know I will get better treatment in return. Just left a guy who was unavailable and feeling so lost scared and lonely i rang my ex, i know i don't want a future with him but i feel i need his love.
Can you please recommend a book that could help me? I read the previous article, and it made sense to me, except in my case, my age (65) would make me even more desparate to do the waiting the article suggests as part of the correction process. I hate the cycle back and forth and I know there is no quick 4 month fix but I am beyond repair and I need stop pouring out for a while and get some peace within. This is so hard, i cannot do it on my own, i need help, love and support! I've been struggling with this addiction all my life I never knew it existed until I met my husband I researched what I was going through and came across this it is so real I promise you it is.
Constantly looking for that perfect someone will get us to live a life of lonliness. It is seeking the familiar [more of the same] even when this is damaging, stupid, impossible.
All we end up doing is jumping from one person to the next. It is a deep-rooted response/reaction of denial about reality: reality about self, partner & relationship. You are self sabotaging as your sense of worth is so low..feel you don't deserve more. Break the cycle x Dear Ann, Your explanation is right on target! Check out Halpern and Hendrix 10 Remember: progress not perfection.
It is a craving for a "fix" of attention, approval, belonging, security, It is a conditioned response to the offer/promise/possibility of love and the inability to see/hear/know denial that you aren't getting it. I think you subconsciously seek pain (painful relationships) because it is familiar.. Articulate and from one who has recently discovered with the assistance of my therapist my pattern. The person above who does not believe love addiction exists is probably a closet therapist who resents the self-help industry.