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In the case of the patient I just described, for instance, she would keep telling her mother, “I’m fine.
In fact, I realized that my patient had been very good at getting me to sound just like her mother. They had had the exact same conversation over and over again. The mother’s comments in that context no longer sounded like appropriate concern but more like the mother’s obsession with her daughter and a compulsion to lecture the girl repeating the same things - constantly.
Those with such a conflict suppress parts of themselves that do not seem to conform to what they believe other important family members expect of them, but the suppression is never complete.
Such a person will disqualify what they are trying to get across just in case it is unacceptable to others.
One of the ways I learned about borderline family dynamics was when adult patients brought audiotapes of conversations with their parents on the phone when the parents did not know they were being recorded.
(Making recordings this way is illegal in some states, but it is not illegal for me to listen to them).
In other words, when someone disqualifies themselves, they are often invalidating the person listening to them.